I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
