I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
