I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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