He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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