3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
