she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
