I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
