i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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