He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
