thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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