Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
