Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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