We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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