She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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