I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize