He uses pillows to masturbate.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
