She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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