: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bang-toberfest begins!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
