OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
