So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
