I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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