dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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