I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I want her autograph on my taint
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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