Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
