Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
