Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
