i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize