Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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