You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
