My Higher Power is John Stamos
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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