so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
