Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
