You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
