i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
