You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
