He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
