Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
