oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
