He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize