Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
