Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
