That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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