If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
