I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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