hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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