u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
