i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize