Swine flu. Run for my life!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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