He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
