I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
