People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
