We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
