the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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