Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's the barista slut.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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