I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
