I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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