I wish I could teleport
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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