mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
