And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
