oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
