I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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