David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
