she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
