my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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