Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
