chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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