She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize