Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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