at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
