By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
