What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
