she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
