ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
