fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize