Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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