you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
