Come see our sink grown plant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
