Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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