before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize